if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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