Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
