i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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