This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
