If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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