it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
