i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
