I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize