I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
