I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
