All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
