OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
