the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize