you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize