someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
