I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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