Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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