what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
