We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
