I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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