I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
