tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
