i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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