Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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