I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
