you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
