So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
