U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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