So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
