i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Houston, we have a squirter
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
