i permit you to call me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
