Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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