My nipple is on Facebook.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
