I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
