Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
