Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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