What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
