put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
