In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
