Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
