When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
