you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
