I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize