I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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