I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize