I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
