swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize