My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
