I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
