I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
