you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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