how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
