tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
