i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
