I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
