Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
