she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize