just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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