I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
