When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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