Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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