Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
