If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
