I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
