You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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