theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
