I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
