Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
