On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
