Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
