Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
