and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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